Flying the Unfriendly Skies

A recent trip to Cleveland reminded me of how much I love air travel.

The plan was to fly from Hartford to Cleveland on a Wednesday and return on Friday. Naturally, there are no direct flights to Cleveland, or at least there weren’t when I wanted to go. So I had to book a flight connecting through Philadelphia, which at least was preferable to the other options of Atlanta, Charlotte and Buenos Aires.

I arrived at the airport with plenty of time to spare, as is customary these days. The security checkpoint is always a dehumanizing experience. Remove all items from your pockets, along with your shoes (wear unholy socks), jacket and belt (in case you feel like strangling someone). Take any electronic items out of your briefcase to be sure they receive the most radiation possible.

A note to whoever designs men’s pants: Please stop sewing buttons into the bottom of the front pockets. These buttons show up as miniature explosive devices on the security screen, requiring the attendant to poke and prod you in places normally reserved for spouses and lap dancers.

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